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Dr. Zhevfunky!

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A Review of the documentary "Dear Zachary" [Mar. 2nd, 2009|03:19 am]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |My god man, wow]
[music |World Keeps Turning--Tom Waits]

I watched this not because my name is in the title but because a lot of people recommended it to me. So I watched it and now I sit at my laptop at 3:20 in the morning floored, shocked, stunned, utterly depressed, completely aghast at what I just saw. That documentary was so heartbreaking and filled with emotions that I don't think a single person could watch it without shedding a tear. The documentary was made by Kurt Kuenne who made it about his best friend Andrew Bagby who was murdered by his psychotic ex-girlfriend. That's only part of it. The documentary goes everywhere from this tragic event to reveal even more tragic happenings. I'm just...I don't even know. It was amazing. Simply fantastic. The story of what happens to Andrew's parents is so goddamn awful and tragic. I feel like I'm overusing the word tragic but in the state of mind I am in right now (plus the early hour of the morning) I can't string sentences together quite creatively. I guess the main purpose of this post is to get anyone who reads this (do people still read these things?) to watch Dear Zachary. For it is surely an amazing documentary. One of the best I've ever seen.
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Reaction to the movie SLumdog Millionaire [Dec. 14th, 2008|12:39 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |Damn that was so good]
[music |Before and After-Desmond Fellowes]

I quit. There's no way me or anyone else can make a movie as good as Slumdog Millionaire. All filmmakers should quit because it's over. The greatest movie has been made. There's no use trying. I feel pathetic now editing my little two minute movie about a student who slices his ears off with a splicer. Forgive me Danny Boyle for not making as good a movie as you have made with Slumdog Millionaire
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A moment of unintended humour from my computer [Aug. 7th, 2008|09:12 am]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |har de har har]
[music |Slapped Actress-The Hold Steady]

As I was watching an interview with Condoleeza Rice, the reporter asked her if she is worried of the presidents legacy being smeared by the war in Iraq. She replied "Absolutely not" and continued to talk of what a bad state Iraq was in before the United States invaded. Then she said that the president decided that there were too many threats to the american peoples lives from Saddam and Iraq and that the U.S. had to solve these threats to american lives and Iraqi lives. At this point in the interview, my AVG Control Center (which scans my computers for bugs or virus') popped up with a message that read "Scanning complete. No threats detected." My computer is a liberal!
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My New Identity [Jun. 20th, 2008|01:01 am]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |new dance craze: the januflect]
[music |The Light-Common]

I've decided that from now on when asked what am I, I will first respond that I am a human being soon to evolve into an extraterrestrial. And then if they still want an answer about my religion and ethnicity then I will reply "I am half-jewish and half black hole." And they won't have to ask me anymore questions
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Fun with magnet words [May. 18th, 2008|07:46 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[music |There's A War Going On For Your Mind--Flobots]

In the english office of my school, there was a locker with magnet words magnetized to them. Someone had arranged most of the words into one long poem about love and complications and blah blah blah boring. So I took the left over words and attempted to come up with my own poem to have immortalized on the locker in the english office. The magnets I had said: if love, full of, please, oil, get. This is the poem that I was able to craft together with artistic abilities being pushed to the max:

if love is
please get
full of oil
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The List of spam messages too well written to ignore [Apr. 28th, 2008|10:10 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |spam spam spam spam spam!]
[music |Big Joe and Phantom 309-Tom Waits]

Through my many years of being the holder of an email account, the best written emails that I have received have been spam. Here is a sample of some of that glorious random writing.

1. Raskolnikov went out in complete confusion. This confusion became more and more intense. As he went down the stairs, he even stopped short, two or three times, as though suddenly struck by some thought. When he was in the street he cried out, "Oh, God, how loathsome it all is! and can I, can I possibly. . . . No, it's nonsense, it's rubbish!" he added resolutely. "And how could such an atrocious thing come into my head? What filthy things my heart is capable of. Yes, filthy above all, disgusting, loathsome, loathsome! - and for a whole month I've been. . . ." But no words, no exclamations, could express his agitation. The feeling of intense repulsion, which had begun to oppress and torture his heart while he was on his way to the old woman, had by now reached such a pitch and had taken such a definite form that he did not know what to do with himself to escape from his wretchedness. He walked along the pavement like a drunken man, regardless of the passers-by, and jostling against them, and only came to his senses when he was in the next street. Looking round, he noticed that he was standing close to a tavern which was entered by steps leading from the pavement to the basement. At that instant two drunken men came out at the door, and abusing and supporting one another, they mounted the steps. Without stopping to think, Raskolnikov went down the steps at once. Till that moment he had never been into a tavern, but now he felt giddy and was tormented by a burning thirst. He longed for a drink of cold beer, and attributed his sudden weakness to the want of food. He sat down at a sticky little table in a dark and dirty corner; ordered some beer, and eagerly drank off the first glassful. At once he felt easier; and his thoughts became clear. "All that's nonsense," he said hopefully, "and there is nothing in it all to worry about! It's simply physical derangement. Just a glass of beer, a piece of dry bread - and in one moment the brain is stronger, the mind is clearer and the will is firm! Phew, how utterly petty it all is!"

2. T-h*i,s g.e'm is real+ly m+ova-ble!!
T'h*i,s o*n+e is real'ly pr+o'fitable!!!
H-a-v'e y'o u b-e_e,n wat_ch-ing t'h.i's f_o-r t-h_e l,a-s*t w'e*e+k-?
T a'k*e a l*o'o'k at it:
re cent n_e,w,s rel,ea,ses s.e,n_t ge*neratin*g gr-owing i',nterest in C+Y.T*V
C+ompany.: CHIN'A YO*UTV C_O-R_P (+O_T'C BB:CY- TV.OB)
S t o c k: C+Y-T'V
Curren't P+rice: $'.+4'9
4_t'h Str+*aight d'a'y_s we h'a+v,e s e'e'n t.h+i_s cl,imb. (+S-e.e Ya.hoo C.h-art-New N e w.s r'elease)
T'h*i s o-n_e h+a-s h,a d n i+c+e re+turns f*o.r inve stor+s o,v-e*r t,h+e su,mmer, and
n*o.w show_s promi.se to be gin a seco.nd w-a.v'e of re_turns.
K_e_e,p a e.y+e o.u-t agai*n on Wed*n esday A,u,g 15. ..
Re-Evo*l-ution by Ter_ence McKenna*.
Or at l*east g_e_t s,o+m e k'i n'd of ca,talogu*e.
S e_e a prog'ram scr.eensh-ot.
S+h'e caugh-t h.erself in t'i,m-e to k'e_e'p h e+r voi+ce s_teady a n+d s,a,y o n'l-y w_h'a,t w+a+s expe*ct,ed.
Ai*n't s_e+e'n ' e m sinc e.

3. I might have happily lived some other childhood.
Are gliding toward me on the ice into
Again awaken from your being gone to find
Everywhere, utterly.
XIV. Franz Josef Land: The Amazing Drift of the Tegetthoff
But snow has gathered there, has piled up,
The form sought for centuries by
Yes. You'd want that said, (if you
XXI. Flying in the Arctic
In the woods, close by,
Wheel tracks entrench themselves in snow, yet painted
Through the back of the picture at the patch of white
Chose to walk out of it, they'd have to pass
From there. Toward . . .
What can we know of whatever picture-plane
Only a fox whose den I cannot find.
And trumpet at his lips; nor does he cast
Coextensive with everything? How could they know?
Silence, are in his hand—birds in a snare;

This last poem was attached to a Viagra ad in the email.

4. new
including knees to the thigh pressure points to his ear and punches to his arms
Later another camp staffer hit him from behind lurching his body forward A nurse stood by and on at least one occasion she determined his vital signs were normal
An initial autopsy conducted in nearby Panama City showed that Anderson died a natural death caused by complications of sickle cell trait
But a second autopsy conducted by pathologist Dr Vernard Adams showed the teen was suffocated by guards who were restraining him

And this one was attached to an email trying to sell penny stock.

5. grandsons were great strapping men, they struggled with his weight on the steep stone steps. Before Two eyes, said Denyo. The Titan sees us.Your Grace has not asked for my counsel, said Skahaz Shavepate, but I say that blood must pay -{LYSA ARRYN
, his mothers sister, Lady of the Eyrie, m. Lord Jon Arryn, slain with a shove, sheepskin from his boot, pushed the sausages aside, and unrolled it. It proved to be a map. Th}

Another Viagra ad. Why are they targeting me?

6. The produce of the valley was thus brought down the river and through prevails always in those classes of every great population who are science.--Physical peculiarities of Egypt connected with the laws of condemnation of them to be recorded in almost every code of written law
refusing admission into it to every plant and every animal that might and a great number of Greek attendants and followers, and there her son the king of Egypt, and to govern herself, as regent, until he his atrocities became at length absolutely intolerable, and a revolt so

Here is one hot new s to ck with lots of exciting news
and what seems to be a bright future!


Strategy X Inc. (SGXI)
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Recommendation: Buy aggresively (500+% pump expected)

SGXI news:
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For the complete release, please see your brokers website.

vice in the social state is the incident and symptom of idleness. It The sea upon the coast is shallow, and the fertile country formed by the last eighteen hundred years, it may be somewhat doubtful whether the
nations and tribes in Arabia, Palestine, and Syria, found their way to originally given him in contempt and derision. He was very small of be more absolute in reigning in conjunction with him, since he would be with the mother was concerned, and the establishment of Physcon upon the
however, after all, not absolutely the opposite extreme. There are as perhaps the people then would have said, to adorn this scene of character. It must have consisted of such plants only as could exist produce a vast difference in the quantity of rain which falls in

7. gesture to the referee after Wayne Rooney's foul and subsequent wink to the benchInternet2 announced a partnership to deploy a highly reliable, high capacity nationwide network.

Can't make it to New York?
World Cup needs a seismic shock to get the tournament going and warn the big teamscorner of Jose Porras' net.
and end the tragedy we are witnessing in Darfur.McClaren must be bold, not the cautious figure who told Middlesbrough's players to
He has also served as a task manager for the Prototype Data Services in the GridThe U.S. Department of Energy's (DOE) Energy Sciences Network (ESnet) and

last minute of extra-time, after going all-out for a win to avoid the risk of facing thedirect red card in a World Cup encounter. Portugal have seen an opposing player sent
Cannavaro won the World Cup on his 100th appearance for ItalySwitzerland played for penalties - and then blew them

Estimates of increased opium cultivation in 2006 highlight the challenge confrontingDistributed Systems Department in the Computational Research Division.
Kobi Kuhn's team in their second-round contest against World Cup newcomers strong resolution which offers the best hope to bolster the Darfur Peace Agreement
Lennon's introduction gave England brief hope as his pace took him past two players,This year's World Cup may have been bereft of iconic players, but it has certainly had

His experience in high-performance networking research and his worldwide

Another stock market email

8. This was not because he was cowardly and abject, quite the contrary; but for some time past he had been in an overstrained irritable condition, verging on hypochondria. He had become so completely absorbed in himself, and isolated from his fellows that he dreaded meeting, not only his landlady, but anyone at all. He was crushed by poverty, but the anxieties of his position had of late ceased to weigh upon him. He had given up attending to matters of practical importance; he had lost all desire to do so. Nothing that any landlady could do had a real terror for him. But to be stopped on the stairs, to be forced to listen to her trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering demands for payment, threats and complaints, and to rack his brains for excuses, to prevaricate, to lie - no, rather than that, he would creep down the stairs like a cat and slip out unseen. This evening, however, on coming out into the street, he became acutely aware of his fears.

A watch ad

9. Second Husband: Here you are. Hmmph.

No clue what this is.

10. This last one isn't spam. It's the email I wrote to a girl who tricked me into a relationship with her. This email was supposed to end our two month relationship (which I was only aware of for two weeks. But nay, she pretended that she never got the email (even though the timestamp says otherwise) and our faux relationship continued for another month. This is by far the most touching email I've ever written:

hey Sofiya,
I don't really know how to say this but I don't think I want to enter into a relationship right now. See, I just broke up with my girlfriend about a few weeks ago. Actually she broke up with me. So for awhile now I've kind of been a little claustrophobic about relationships and right now I'm not feeling very comfortable getting into another one. I thought that I was over this kind of fear of relationships yesterday but I guess I'm not. Do you want to stay friends for now? If you don't I understand. I'm sorry if I led you on or something. I just hope you don't take this the wrong way.


How could she not understand that? Only a blind man would not be able to understand the message of this well crafted email?! What the blurg!!
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A snapshot of Middle School Life [Apr. 5th, 2008|06:00 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[music |The Black Keys new album]

As my mom drove by William Alexander Middle School I was given the perfect snapshot of life as a middle schooler. The first image was of a group of boys shooting at each other with water guns. To their left, was a group of girls who were trying their best to ignore the boys shenanigans while continuing their gossiping. And off to their left by the side of the street stood a single girl yelling into her cell phone, her bright rubber band braces working overtime to get out every single lisped word. And as my mom drove past this scene I could vividly remember middle school. It's sad that it only takes a water gun fight, gossiping girls, and a pair of yelling rubber band braces to transport me back to middle school.
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Yes Goddamnit Jericho Is Alive! [Mar. 18th, 2008|11:17 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |shh! what was that sound?]
[music |When the River Moves On-Willy Mason]

Jericho if you don't know is the show that I watch on CBS with no interruptions, channel flipping, or leaving the room. Jericho has increased my paranoia to unhealthy levels and yet I love it so. However, as with all my shows, no one watches it but me and a few scattered losers across the states. After the first season of Jericho, it was canceled. But then the fans of Jericho spent a massive amount of time protesting the cancellation of Jericho and it was given a second chance. The first two of seven episodes received the lowest ratings yet. But after that, the ratings kept going up even though they were airing against election based shows. I've been savoring every single paranoid post-apocalyptic minute because I knew that there were only a few episodes left before CBS canceled it again. However, tonight after that airing of a tremendous episode that threw everything I thought I knew about the Red Bell Project out the nuked window, CBS played a promo for the last episode and what words did the announcer say? "Tune in next week for the SEASON finale that will have you glued to your seats". SEASON. not SERIES. SEASON. I almost kissed the television set. It seems CBS is giving me and the other insane viewers of Jericho another season to revel in government conspiracies of the deadliest kind.
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So I'm In Iraq [Mar. 13th, 2008|03:51 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |I'm mad I wasn't asked to go]
[music |Bratislava-Beirut]

At a screening last night I ran into a man who said that he's seen my movie, Playing with the Other Tigers (a film about a muslim and a half jew and how they stay friends through this blah blah blah. I'm sick of the description of my own movie. How sad is that? Very, very sad) all over the world. I asked him to explain himself because as far as I knew my film hadn't left the United States. But apparently this business man had shown my film to friends and associates of his in Germany and China and even to some high government officials in Iraq. Yes, the little story of how my friend and I became friends through basketball cards, toy dinosaurs, and cooties is circulating around the recently rebuilt government offices in Iraq. For some reason, this man has some associates in the Iraqi government (I didn't think it was polite or legal for me to ask why he has these connections) who were interested in my film since they heard that it does not portray muslims in a negative way. So this man brought my film to them on his next visit and showed it to a general in Iraq and the deputy mayor of Baghdad. I hope they liked what they saw and hopefully they might think that not all Americans think like our "president".
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How many four letter words can you think of that begin with F? [Feb. 27th, 2008|11:42 pm]
Dr. Zhevfunky!
[mood |talent shows involve no talent]
[music |Water--The Roots]

For my school's talent show I'm going to be performing two songs. One is a duet with my friend on David Bowie's Space Oddity, however he'll be actually singing while I William Shatner the whole song. And the second song is one I wrote for my girlfriend about how I cheated on her with a tv show. I had to do this song for rehearsal today in the auditorium and after I did it, the woman in charge of the show, Ms. Kaufman, said that she did not hear my song but she heard from somebody in the audience that I had sung an inappropriate word. At first I thought it was from the section where I sing "I love to make you orgasm/But keep it down during Curb Your Enthusiasm" but it wasn't. She said I sung a four letter word, and she leaned in to tell me exactly what she meant, "The one that begins with an F". As she nodded her head in a manner that I can only assume was meant to terrify me but really only made me notice how very short she is (I give her at least 3 feet 11 inches), I realized that I did sing the one that begins with an F. "It's so hard to choose between a good fuck/Or an episode of 30 Rock". Now I don't mind that someone reported me, that just says that Ashcroft is going to have a great civilian army soon, but why can't I sing fuck if it's in the context of the song? Then the girl who is helping Ms. Kaufman run the talent show told me "Zach tomorrow for rehearsal don't curse but on the day of the talent show, curse all you want". Now I have a moral dilemma, actually not really a moral dilemma more like a silly dilemma that only really exists in my mind because nothing else is going on right now. So should I stay true to my song and sing the one that begins with an F? Or should I crumble under the short lady's tiny foot and switch it with potluck or something?
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